Reader Request - Opening band laws
November 7th, 2007 - by Dave
Opening acts are a necessary evil. Sure, up and coming bands need a way to develop and showcase their live chops. Headliners get a little extra time backstage to throw down a few shots of Jack before their set. And every once in a while an unknown opener can amaze a crowd and maybe even upstage the band who folks came out to see.
But let’s be honest — an amazing opening act is a rarity.
photo by Ralph Unden
So in the interests of civil order, personal safety, and the natural laws of the universe, there are a set of unspoken rules that opening bands must adhere to. Breaking any of these laws could result in the hurling of beer bottles, intense booing and chants for the headlining act, or a full scale invasion of the stage by a bizarre naked skank-dancing obese man. Perhaps the last naked dancing thing there is just my own personal experience.
I’ll get it started by throwing out a couple “Opening Band Laws”:
- Thou shall not play longer than 45 minutes.
- Thou shall not mention your MySpace url.
- Thou shall not have more band members than instruments.
- Thou shall not recount Storyteller style narratives about the song that you wrote about your girlfriend who plays keyboards in your band and go on rambling longer than the length of the actual song.
What are some others? Tell us in the comments…
November 7th, 2007 at 11:42 am
No Jamming out the songs no one has ever heard…. we can tell!
No inviting guest musicians to play on select songs.
November 7th, 2007 at 12:58 pm
Thou shall not complain repeatedly about the lack of a mosh pit when the headlining band is not a moshing kind of band. In fact, thou shall never mention the word “mosh” (we’re looking at you, 18 Visions).
November 7th, 2007 at 3:45 pm
Being an opening band, and having watched many opening bands, i could not agree with you more.
How about this:
Thou shalt not get so hammered during the show that thou canst singeth.
–OR–
Verily, verily I say unto you, thou shalt NEVER performeth a song written by the band that thou is opening for.
Mother of God. I unfortunately have experienced these both.
November 29th, 2007 at 12:32 pm
[…] Opening band laws Don’t play beyond 45 minutes. Don’t mention MySpace. Don’t dance naked. […]
June 18th, 2008 at 10:07 pm
[…] sounded pretty good, but they played for far too long, probably close to an hour. I like to see opening acts because you never know when you’ll discover a great band, but I prefer the sets to be short […]