Turn the Page - Vanessa Kafka
September 29th, 2008 - by Eddie
I step onto the stage. To my left, Marc picks up his bass. Carl sits down on the stool and reaches for his sticks. Brian does some quick twiddling with his pedals, looks up at me and grins. “We’re gonna do this, V”.
I pick up my guitar, throw the strap over my head and wrap my fingers around the neck. It feels…easy. Natural. I smile and look up at the people that have started to filter into the room from the bar. A glance back at the guys. “Should we just start?” I ask Brian. He gives me a nod. We’re ready.
We open with “If He Stays”, something we haven’t started a show with before. I starts with just me on the acoustic and then the band kicks in after four measures. When I’m on stage playing, it feels right. When I first started performing, I used to feel like I was a different person on stage. Maybe not a different person, but like I was letting another side of me out. Performing my songs with the same honesty I wrote them used to leave me unsettled; as if by singing the words I would reveal too much of my emotions. I’ve gotten more comfortable with just playing and singing what I feel now, so being on stage comes much more naturally. Tonight, the music fills me. I’m happy and glowing. Looking out at the faces in front of me - some familiar and some new - I pick a face and let my gaze rest. Our eyes meet. I smile. He smiles back. I move on, soaking it in, trying to connect with as many faces as I can.
“A year and a half ago, I set out to record my first full-length album. We finished it a few months ago and it got released on Tuesday.” I feel a bubble of excitement rise up in me. Even announcing it doesn’t make it feel any more real. The crowd cheers. They’re excited for me. It hasn’t hit me yet.
The clock reads 9:55. We have time for two more songs. I look at Brian, start playing and laugh. I forget that with this song, he and I start together. We start again. For me, every show has a song that captures my mood…takes me away from the stage and back into myself. Tonight the song is “Tell Me So.” Hope. The future holds so much promise. Regardless of whatever comes of this, I’ll be able to say that I tried.
We close with Silhouette and I hear voices. My friends in the crowd are singing with me, willing me to succeed. Under the glow of the lights, surrounded by friends and people that want the best for me, I know that I already have.
Vanessa Kafka - Tell Me So
